a competition. You never know what you are going to get. women are hard to understand i think in a way we don't even understand ourselves.(at times) and at others we totally 'know' what we think. I have had a life full of dramatic women and have rid myself of that ever since i broke free. However it is hard for 'us' to find women that we enjoy minus all the bull shit. I have always been a fighter and always been feisty. It is something that hockey taught me for ten years. Once that competition was over the pent up aggression was channeled no where. I tries biking to relieve my frustration but have never been great at solo sports.
On the other hand i have a wedding to plan and i think i am the worst bride to go down in history, I never dreamt of my wedding day and how it was going to be but i fantasized about a house and a life their after... isn't that why we get married for the after part? Thus many decision leave me utterly confused and thinking.. elope??
As women we try to feed our souls with things that come in the material sense, if it is bikes, shoes, clothing, or how many men hit on us we tend to feel better about ourselves, but do we really? Insecurities come in and go like we never knew what hit us.
Then you get hit by a friends situation or loosing a child hood animal that you swore could understand you.
Sometimes I feel that I have a sixth sense, with knowing my parents sold their house the morning they got an offer, knowing that my long life friend my beloved dog died.. etc. Sometimes it is something in ourselves that just knows when something catastrophic happened.
In life all i ache for is love, a home that feels like 'home'. Someone and something I am passionate about and family.
Sometimes a good night with beer, wine and friends and family is all you need, only to realise that this will soon be a distant memory and that you should have taken the time to take a deep breath and enjoy the beauty in the moment. I know I can learn from this time and time again and that things in the material sense do not actually make me happy but mask something that needs to be revisited and that we are all unique in our own ways and that no one is 'better' then the other.
that our life could be much harder, difficult and that what we currently have is a beautiful thing.
If we could only open our eyes, and realise we are only in the shadow of our self.
