in the sorrow.

I found something I love. I love to know how to do things. When you see something to know how to break it down- to the point where you can make it. I am sad. I found something I love but others are killing it for me. I have battled with this for some time now and am coming to the realization that it is not worth- unfortunately- the grief it is causing me. I sat here and randomly started to cry knowing that others can have such a horrid affect on someone. As I cleaned through my emails I saw the beginning. Where there was a glimmer and sparkle. Where I felt the world was my playground or at the very least going to be CRAZY exciting. I finally found something that I dream about that I pay attention to and.......... that I AM GOOD AT! it is breaking me to know that it is coming to an end. I MEAN it, my heart had never felt this. In a way that I just have to be done with it. Some of the people I have encountered on this trip have inspired me. Made me see things that I did in fact dream of as a little girl.

That point of realization has set in. It is there and now cannot go away. AND IT IS KILLING ME.

FUCK.

It is not healthy to be mean to others to feel better about yourself. period.